I Stopped Criticizing Myself

I don’t know where things went wrong. 

5? 15? 25 years old? I’ve always been loud, hyper, emotional, loving, filled with light and laughter!

At some point I started caring what others thought of me, which isn’t always bad... but when your self worth lowers because of said opinions- it can be damaging. 

As the years went on, I’d adapt to wherever I was: Smart and professional at work. The fun mom for play dates. The life of the party at the bars and parties. I was real good at all jobs; inside I was always yearning for something. I felt there was something I needed to do, but I didn’t know what and it left me restless and open and vulnerable to anything- which negative energy can sense like a cancer. 

It ate away at me and instead of trying to find the problem and heal; I self medicated with wine and beer and eventually hard liquor ~ I went further into a deep dark place. My kid’s, my husband, the people I love more than anything knew nothing of what I felt. I was a chameleon. Adapting to what others needed me to be. 

It’s not a fun life to live like that, it’s tiring. That kind of lifestyle is like a dog chasing it’s tail, and then at some point you just give up.  I swear my soul was getting pretty frustrated; I needed a change. 

I changed how I look at things. I learned to love myself. I cared about who I gave my energy too. I was selective on what goes on or in my body. I respond to life rather than always reacting. My life went from a dark hole of despair filled with loneliness to a bright existence. I wake up excited for the day without even looking at my calendar or knowing what will happen on this day. 

“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.”

— Louise Hay

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